Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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