You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
