ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
