pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
