i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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