He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
