i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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