I am in a vortex of obligation.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
