I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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