So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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