Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
