i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
