If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
