somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
