So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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