Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
