can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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