shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
