Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
