I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize