My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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