I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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