Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
