i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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