I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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