She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
