just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
