The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
