Pants 0. Shit 1.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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