I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
