Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
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it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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