I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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