it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
