i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
