I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
