I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
