I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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