So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
