we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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