I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
