my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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