What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
