for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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