The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize