You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
