You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
