Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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