I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
