also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
