to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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