woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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