I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
