What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
