This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
