So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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