i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My bed smells like the plague
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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