I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
