just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize