textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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