ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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