I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
