i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
