is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
