One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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