if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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