I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
