this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
